The Fun Never Ends Here

Culture is a thing of wonder. About the time you feel like you are ok with it, can grasp and adjust to it.... BAM..."dorothy, you aren't in Kansas anymore".

Today was one of those days when I looked at my husband and thought "how did I get myself into this?"

It all started a month or so ago when I met a girl, about my age, in my apartment complex. She and I started a conversation which led to exchanging phone numbers which led to an invitation to dinner.....ooops did I say dinner? What I thought was dinner was an invitation to karaoke with her and all of her officemates....fun times. That night I met my friend's mom, who somewhere between my rendition of Celine Dion's "I'm Your Lady" and Brittany Spears "Oops I Did It Again" became my friend.

For the new year holiday, we left the country, and my friend went to visit her husband and son, who live far away (keep in mind this is a different culture, although my mom would probably be ok right now if I would just come back and live with her, well...at least my kids).

My friend's mom started texting me last week after we arrived back home, asking me to come over to her house, that she really wanted to see me. I told her I would love to come, but was too busy last week, that this week I would have time in the afternoon. So, she called me on Friday, and asked "if I could come to her house to play". Unfortunately, both of my kids are feeling the need to stay close to the bathroom this week (I won't say more than that) and Rob was going to be out of town, so I told her my kids were sick so I couldn't come over. She called me again this morning, but we had tutoring this afternoon, and my kids didn't feel well so I told her today wasn't a good day either. She replied back .......that she would be at our house at 3pm. OK. I am trying my best to build relationships with people here, and now that I can speak a little, it is amazing the doors it opens to friendships. So.....I told her 3pm it was.

Promptly at 3pm she called and double checked my address. Then 5 minutes later, she was buzzing my apartment. Immediately she asked to see Hannah. Hannah came out and was wearing a t-shirt and a jean skirt. The temperature is very spring like here, warm with some cool moments when the wind is blowing. She bawked when she saw her, becasue she was wearing too few clothes, no wonder she was sick. She made Hannah sit down next to her, and scolded me for letting Hannah walk around the house barefoot. She said, no wonder she is sick. She inspected the bottom of Hannah's feet, her arms and nail beds, then told me Hannah's lips were too red, and that the freckles on her face were a sign that something inside was not right. She drew a diagram of the how "local" medicines could really help Hannah be more healthy. And she said I should never let Hannah or Hudson drink anything cold....nothing. And they should avoid meat and milk altogether becasue this was horrible for their health, oh and so was KFC. I should also massage Hannah's feet to the calves every night after her shower....she liked this advice.

Hannah quickly left the room.....this lady doesn't speak any English, and Hannah wasn't too sure about her poking her. Thankfully, our tutor was still at the house so she could help me with the medical words she was using. After she asked us about our bathroom habits, (quantity and quality) she said she could help us. That is when she pulled out her magazine and began selling her herbal medicines. She explained to me about buying wholesale and cutting out the middle man, etc, etc..... It was at this point that I looked at Rob, who was sitting quietly behind her with a smile/smirk on his face the whole time acting like he spoke NOTHING but English, and I thought I AM GETTING A SALES PITCH in another language. We can buy all these medicines for our kids and ourselves if we go to the special store with her, and then we would get money back, and so on and so on, and if we tell other people.....ahhh, the pyramid thing.

Come to find out, my friend sent her mom a text message which caused her mom to start calling me to begin with, that said, "my friend is fat, can you help her." Nice. Nothing like living in the land where the women are 5 feet tall and a size 2 to make you feel like a giant anyway, but I can handle it. She then began hitting my thighs and inspecting ME, asking me if my mom and grandma were fat. Had I been fat as a child or just fat after marriage and babies. I told her I had been this way since I was a child, and then she said the words I love to hear......It is my mom's fault, and her mom's before that, and her mom's before that!! YES!!!! I am relieved ....it's not my fault.......now I need a cookie or chocolate. Thankfully, she told me she could help me. If only I knew the words to explain Weight Watchers to her, but I didn't so I just sat there and listened to how her medicine could change my life. Once again, I didn't ask for this, I only wanted to be her friend, but alas....here in this country, this is what friends do, tell it like it is.

Finally after 2 hours of this, she realized that supper time had arrived, so we planned to meet again, at her house next time for another session in self-confidence. I gathered my family and our tutor and we all went to pizza hut....good thing she didn't say anything about that being bad for us.